Topic: How bad is coffee
July 24, 2019 / By Cadence Question:
I am a 19 years old girl, and I have been crying every now and then. I am always depressed and I have no one to talk to :( . I do have friends and a lovely boyfriend, but I don't think they would understand me, and they have their own lives and problems, so I don't want to seem like a big crying baby, as that could even lead them to keep distance from me. I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about it but he just thinks I'm weird, and I don't want that, therefore most of the time I act like everything is fine, but in reality it's not. My mum caught me crying twice now, and she keeps asking me if there is something happening, but I never tell her, because me and my mum have a very difficult relationship, she is always stressed and arguing about stupid stuff, sometimes I come home from work really tired and she keeps going on about how there are marks of coffee on the sofa, which is meaningless really. But she stresses me out.
The thing is I had a really tough childhood, I use to live with my grandmother because my mum moved to another country and I didn't see my mother for at least 4 years. My grandmother was old and she didn't understand me, she use to beat me all the time and treat me pretty badly sometimes, my mum didn't know about it, she thought everything was fine, I did tell her, but my grandmother said that she beat me because I was behaving badly. My mum use to cry, because she wanted to be with me but she had to wait a little while.
But after 2 years my grandmother couldn't take care of me anymore, so she sent me to my uncle's house, and he was married and had two kids. That year was the worse year of my life so far, my uncle's wife use to treat me so badly, not by beating me or anything, but by making me feel like ****, her kids use to say I was orphan, and I use to cry, and they didn't give a **** (my father and my mum divorced when I was 3) haven't heard much from him since then. So I was miserable had no family, and the family I had near me, use to hate me.
After 4 years my mum came back and picked me up, now I live with her, and we are a happy family, even though she stresses me out, she is the thing I most love in this world. I did forgive my family fro treating me like **** and not being supportive, but deep in my heart I still think it all still affects me today.
The thing is everyone around me seems to get a nice job, have good relationships, and they are living the life. While I am only 19, had to study my *** off to get my grades in school and still am, and nothing seems to be happening. Every job I take there must be something wrong with it, I have recently found a new job where I have to work until mid-night and I probably wont have much time to spend with my boyfriend. My work colleagues are always finding a reason to **** me over, and I just don't understand why. I have bills to pay that is why I took this job, because with this unemployment rate I can't be picking and choosing. But my friends seems to find great jobs with cool people, and I am the only one who doesn't. So I think about that every night and I cry like a baby and get into depression. I try not to think about my problems, but it is there and I can't ignore it, because if I don't solve it it gets worse, I have a credit card to pay and God knows how am I going to pay for it. I need psychiatrist but I don't have the money to pay for one.
If you guys know any youth service or even a free psychiatrist that I can talk to, please tell me, I need someone to help me, because I don't know what to do anymore :(
Where to download the guide how bad is coffee PDF? Thanks!